spiral down with me

How do you do this, I wonder How does this work If I don't want to be with the person that loves me And if I can’t be with the person I love Tell me, explain it to me, make me understand  Where do I go from here?

sometimes I feel invisible as if it's not my life anymore as if I'm watching it pass by me and there's nothing I can do I'm not in it. I'm an insignificant part of it sometimes I don't matter sometimes I don't want to matter sometimes I don't even know who I am what music do I like? what's my favorite color who am I? who do I care about who loves me sometimes I break, I shatter sometimes I put myself back together other times I stay broken I lie awake most nights most nights my thoughts haunt me I'm alone most nights some nights I don't want to be alone why am I alone? why am I alone even though I'm surrounded by people? why don't I matter? what do I do wrong? what is right? sometimes I feel empty sometimes I don't even feel I wonder will I ever be complete