spiral down with me

 I thought that it would be the last poem I ever wrote for you exactly on the 31st of July, 2 years ago and that the end of our relationship would also mean the end of heartbreak but it wasn't  you made me a promise, that everything would be better than before that it would all be okay I don't think you quite understood the concept when you made that promise the one where being okay takes time and effort I still take all the blame I'm the one who got us here, with my incessant need for being loved and valued and with being manipulated every single time mistaking cruelty for depression, faithfulness for devotion, indifference with anger and when the moment of realization came, I questioned myself were you the problem, or was I incapable of showing affection and appreciation maybe I was cold and distant, bitter at times, too emotional or even unstable did I question your love out of nowhere, was I making things up I thought maybe love comes in different forms that maybe it wa...

I fucking hate you yes, you, you who knows exactly who you are, to the point where I don't even need to address you by name I hope you fucking die, I hope you just disappear off the face of the earth, so that I never have to see your stupid face again I hate hearing your name, seeing your picture, and especially remembering anything about you I hate you I have so much hate in my heart, that I don't know where to put it I want to stuff it in a box, along with all your stuff, and forget you ever existed I want to rip my heart out because it aches so much I want you to go to the end of a cliff, and just fucking jump, hell, I'll even be the one to push you off if you need help I hate the fact that I loved you, that I loved you so much to the point where I excused all of your bullshit, and that it was enough to ignore every stupid thing you ever said, or did I loved you so much that being broken up with you made me disassociate so bad that I didn't even realize that my mom ...