spiral down with me

I did everything because I was tired of not wanting to hurt anyone of not being able to be myself of feeling responsible of everyone of caring too much or too little of trying to feel normal of being awake every night of feeling alone of everything I anticipated happening of playing house, trying to be happy of trying to explain to someone who will never understand of being misunderstood or more likely not understood at all of the end result mattering more than the means of not being able to recognize myself of believing that I fully know you I did everything I did because I was tired because I didn't care enough to lose everything that was too difficult to handle to be able to run without being chased after to be myself to be able to look in the mirror and recognize the face staring back at me again to be me again as I should have been her şeyi yorulduğum için yaptım başkasını üzmemeye çalışmaktan kendim olamamaktan karşımdakinden sorumlu hissetmekt...

why don't I know you? If you're reading this maybe you already know me maybe we've met or maybe you think you know me, just like how I think I know you Maybe one day I'll write about you Maybe I've already forgotten your name Maybe you never cross my mind or you never leave it How many people turned out to be someone else? How many people really knows you? How many people broke you down, how many people do you miss How many people did you start loving after you've lost them Why are you a stranger to me Why can't I call you by your name I never knew you or perhaps wanted to believe that I did Same as you and everyone else maybe I became who you wanted me to be or maybe you did maybe I loved you or maybe I couldn't care less You didn't understand me I didn't know you Did I deceive you or did you deceive me maybe we fooled each other or we just fooled ourselves I am a stranger to you and you are to me We will neither fully un...

It is interesting to see how little we know each other, how we can surprise each other. After everything that has happened I asked myself 'how the hell am I supposed to move on from this'. It's also interesting to see how I haven't moved on from anything, just moved forward. I wanted to believe so desperately that I didn't care about people and used to believe that you should go above and beyond for every single person that is in you life. Maybe that's why when the time came I didn't mind taking all the blame. I let every single person in my life make me believe that there was something wrong with me. That I was fundamentally incomplete and would never be whole. I didn't love enough, care enough, feel enough, trust enough. I believed everything they told me until I realized that you can't force yourself into a persons life unless they want you there. So why is it that all the things they used to love about me be suddenly became my fatal flaws? Why is...